Refuse The Dream Graveyard
Don’t let your dreams be snuffed out, they’re all you really own in this world
When we’re chasing our dreams, we’re focused on the steps we have to take. Where do we start first, who do we connect with, how do we connect?
When we’re working a full time job, all we can think about is funding our dreams with the income earned from this job. This job can go to hell.
Work, dream, work, dream, work, dream.
When do we breathe?
Some people don’t dream, because their work sucks their dreams from them. One month at a time, maybe quicker than that.
That dream will whisper to them every once in a while, reminding them not to let it die. Soon they won’t even hear a whisper.
Silence.
It’s all about survival now, there’s no room for dreams. This world will suck you dry if you let it, but for some souls it’s inevitable. Their dreams must be sacrificed to survive. Some souls refuse to let their dreams die, sacrificing themselves instead.
I don’t know what’s worse, but honestly, our dreams are all we have if nothing else. Recognition calls to us, doubt stabs our ears. Hope is a dodgy acquaintance, failure is a death sentence.
Let’s just stick to the status quo. Have no hobbies other than TV, eating, and social media.
Can’t do that, that’s an even worse death to some of us.
I’ve been thinking about those souls that had to drop everything and put their responsibilities before themselves. I feel bad for them because I know how that feels. Like you’ll never get out this loop of responsibility to focus on your passions. You’ll never have enough money to put aside for yourself.
So why even continue to dream?
—
“To give up is to be filled with bad thoughts.”
I started writing this piece on a Saturday night and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the guest pastor at the church I just started going to did a sermon on not giving up.
Like a cup under a leaky faucet. It takes time to fill up, but when it does …
Drip. “It’s gonna take forever to save for this.”
Drop. “Damn, I have to push ___ back because of work.”
Drip. A friend’s words: I don’t know, it’s kinda hard to break into that market
Drop. “My work isn’t as good as ___.”
The drips keep dropping until the cup is filled with negativity. There’s no optimism left. You give up.
But it’s not over. I like to think back to the little girl that was so excited to see what adult me looked like, what adult me would accomplish. I can’t disappoint her. I look at pictures of my baby self and marvel at how bright she is. She’s observant and kind and knew deep down she’d be into anything that gave her more knowledge.
Dreaming is the only thing that’s really ours. Anything can happen in our lives where our possessions and loved ones are taken away from us.
People who gave up on their dreams suck the energy out of those who haven’t. The defeated aura and verbiage of some older than I was very off putting when I was around them more often.
At the same place for 10+ years, dealing with the same bullshit, different people coming in and out of the doors. They shit talk their spouses, shit talk their work, hype up the old days.
I told myself I never wanted to be that, especially the shit talking the spouse part. When I speak on my life I want to be proud of all the choices I made, even if they came with unsavory consequences. A lot of the events in my life starting at age 19 had a significant purpose. Not saying anything before that should be disregarded, but that’s when I feel the process of morphing myself to the person I am today started.
—
I started things, then stopped them, then started them back up again. I started YouTube in a specific genre of videos, stopped, came back to do a different genre, stopped again, and repeat. Same with writing, with music (one genre), and so on.
Even when life got in the way I always kept in the back of my mind that something was going to stick and give me the room to be me and just create.
Having jobs, the few I did have since graduating high school, sucked my spirit out. Customer service is draining and creating can take a lot, even if we enjoy it. I’d push through and grind out some videos or whatever it was at the time, but I’d always just stop and decide not to stress myself … but I was also just a victim of burnout. It wasn’t hard to burn out.
I’m into astrology, synchronicity (I didn’t know that was actually a thing I could read about. Still haven’t took the initiative to start), the existence of other realms and everything else in the subcategories of these things.
I was still working at the job I had, it was the end of my week vacation for my birthday. I had just turned 25 and I was working on getting my life insurance license.
That morning I didn’t like the way my manager tried to gaslight me and how my mother had spoken to me over text. All this at 7am, I was over all the bullshit and I had been thinking of quitting for a while.
With only 30 minutes of thought I sent an, “I quit,” in the work group chat.
I didn’t have it all figured out. The money I had planned to put aside for quitting never got put aside, but I knew I had to do something at that moment or the place would continue to kill my spirit.
It has taken this long for me to realize the significance of all the events that followed. I failed my life exam the first time and not only because I wasn’t ready knowledge wise but I wasn’t ready for it life wise (ha ha).
I had to learn to discipline myself and quitting was the start of me being my own boss and having to be the manager that says, “if you don’t get your act together I’m cutting your pay.”
And cut my pay it did when I didn’t wake up early enough in the morning or skipped a day or slacked or … you get it.
Failure isn’t because it’s not for you. Failure can just be, “it’s not time yet.”
So breathe, wait it out, trust the process. Keep your dreams, write them down, keep track of all the things that can help you when you jump back on that road.
I’m just now feeling like my dreams are right in front of me for once and not millions of miles away. There’s always work to be done, our elevation never stops. We have to choose to be better than the person we were the day before.
I’m only able to talk like this because I’ve reached a somewhat level point and 2 + 5 = 7 and 7 is the number of completion.
Basically, I’ve finally reached that spot. And I reached that spot in month 7. Coincidence? Maybe so, but fuck you, I’m BLESSED!
You’ll know it when you reach the spot. It’s euphoric.
Blessings to you and your journey, whoever you are.
I was reminded of that Tom Waits song:
"It's such a sad old feeling
The fields are soft and green
It's memories that I'm stealing
But you're innocent when you dream, when you dream
You're innocent when you dream
Innocent when you dream"